AGH. I'm lame. I said I'd do a massive follow up post on my trip to New York like over a week ago and that has still had to happen. I said the same thing with Seattle, too, and that post is still nonexistent. Life has been a little hectic these days and there's also the fact that I'm constantly reminded of the fact that summer is slowly approaching and soon after that . . . law school starts. It's kind of a trip, so once I have my head in the right place and am ready to post again, I'll be back. :)

I'd been meaning to take a trip to visit Lee for a long time now, and this is the year before law school, aka the year before I give my life away to an educational institution for three years so THIS is definitely the year to travel and do stuff that I keep putting off for practical reasons. Money be damned (. . . and damned the money was, cause SHIT I am so broke now).

Basically New York City was freaking awesome. Big ups to Lee, Jen, and Amy for putting up with me. But I'm awesome, right?!

Anyway, post on it soon! :)

All these pics were taken on random weekends in January 2009.





( the sunny weather did most of the work )

This week, I got rejected from my first choice law school. It hurts more than just a little and I'm nowhere near ready to talk about it yet, save for a few select people who know what this really means for me. I think it's safe to say that, sometimes, for me to say that "I want to go to law school," is synonymous with me saying "I want to go to [this school]."

So it's come to the point where when someone tells me, "at least you're still going to law school," I sort of stop and stare blankly before I comprehend what they're saying. Oh . . . I guess.

Pretty much everything I've worked at in this process was leading up to this moment. After all, the way I see it, there is no willy-nilly attitude to take on when it comes to something you want this badly. Right now, it feels like a devastating break-up that came with a permanent goodbye. And just like trying to get over that - the depression sometimes comes in waves. When I'm distracted and busy, it's really okay. I have a freaking busy life that needs tending to that leaves no room for me to sit and wallow all day, but when the downtime comes - it sucks ass. Mornings are especially bad, because my mind is not nearly alert and focused enough to program itself to think about something else . . . so waking up has sucked a lot these past few days. I had no time to really process the results when they came - I was super stressed with work the day the rejection letter came to my house and the next day I had to wake up at 6am because I'd planned a snowboarding day trip, which helped take my mind off it because I love to snowboard and there is no better rush than when I'm going down a snowy mountain on my board with the evergreen trees, blue skies, and gorgeous lakes hovering in the backdrop. I fell badly a couple times and drove to and from the site (three hours each way), so when I got home that night, exhausted, I crashed right away.

But then, of course, I woke up the next morning. And that's sort of when it really hit. I was also super bruised and sore from snowboarding, so it felt like I'd been physically and emotionally beaten up the day before.

My parents are being awesome, as per usual. They'd wanted me to attend this school just as badly, but my mom said something along the lines of, "Oh, good thing you didn't get in! It would've been too cutthroat for you anyway - your extremely low GPA you would've gotten would have landed you NO jobs." . . . uh. Oh, and let's not forget dad: "They didn't want you? That's okay, because you didn't want THEM either!"

:)

My self esteem is in tact. I don't need that kind of validation - I know I'm smart and I know that I'm still going places. I just sort of need time to let this settle so I can kind of just readjust my attitude so that I can move on from this point. But, in the end, I'm okay.

It's been awhile.

Happy 2009! Though I'm not really a big believer in starting anew just because the calender has changed - you can reinvent yourself whenever the hell you want, right?

A lot has happened, but most of it is uninteresting to the general public. They are big things though. Law school applications were submitted back in November and I've since heard back from two of the five schools . . . and got into both. :) So I'm excited about that and honestly, the whole school acceptance thing is foreign to me. My undergrad college was the one of the only schools I got into because of the asshole competitive Asian high school I went to that ruined my life and stole four years of it . . . but who's bitter about that?

Anyway, I just wanted to let it be known that I am alive and well. Nothing much is happening because I've succumbed to that whole worker bee life, which is admittedly comfortable and not really that tiring, except it's not very thrilling or stimulating, so I need more from those departments of life.

I think a lot about 2008 and how so much of it was spent just thrown into the law school application process, a big bulk of that being the LSAT. After three tries and the last one in secret, I finally killed it. Some of you might've known, but not telling my parents about the LSAT while still living at home was really not that easy. It took a huge toll on our relationship, actually. When my score finally came out, I wasn't expecting it that day and happened to be at work. I clicked opened the email in my Gmail inbox and for those of you who don't know, the LSAT score delivery is pretty cruel - they like to tell you right there in the email, like, RIGHT there in your inbox it'll say BETTY, YOUR LSAT SCORE IS 0. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN LAW SCHOOL. So it was pretty intense, but then I got the score and it was GOOD. And I lept out of my wheely chair and cried out "HOLY SHIT!" TOTALLY forgetting the fact that I was still at work, but I didn't really freaking care. I think my boss kind of just laughed when he heard.

When I went home that day, my mom was just doing whatever in the bathroom - knowing her, though, she was probably cleaning it. And as soon as I saw her, the anxious bubbling burst and all of a sudden I couldn't stop laughing. It was just one of those uncontrollable fits. I remember she looked at me funny and asked me what was wrong. I told her I had good news and made her guess. She couldn't, obviously, because she thought I was basically partying every time I was out actually studying at Starbucks.

So I told her the news, difficultly, through the giggles. . . and then the crazy laughter just exploded into a gross, trembling mess of insane crying.

And that, I think, is the first time I've cried happy tears.

I always think back to the very first or second day of LSAT class when one of the girls in my study group offered up her office to study in because it was the weekend and nobody would be there. She was a little older than the rest of us and worked at Bloomberg, so we kind of all already gathered that it would be a pretty sweet looking office. But even so, as we all poured out of the elevator and walked into the 35th floor of the building, everyone kind of just stared in awe and took the first couple of minutes to sort of just really take in all those freaking awesome amenities that climbing up to the top of the corporate ladder really gives you. That, and the view from the all glass wall of the conference room from the 35th floor overlooking the Bay and the bridge and downtown San Francisco? Kind of really leaves you floored, especially for someone like me who was pretty much just fresh out of the college dome.

When we settled into the conference room to get down to actual work, I remember being still in awe of where we were and the fact that someone I knew worked there. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "this is so out of my league."

He kinda grinned and, "it's time for you to get into a new league," was all he said.

This isn't about the money or the status, but just the kind of person I've grown to be since leaving college, and I gotta say, I so fucking agree.

Here's to you, 2009. Not because it's a new number, but just 'cause . . . it's time. :)

Chipotle is a Mexican chain (or, well, "Mexican") restaurant, more on the upscale end of the fast-dining category in which I had just learned a few weeks ago that their burrito is based off of the San Francisco burrito which was born in our Mission district here in SF. We have a relatively decent Hispanic population here, so the Mission is your go-to place for authentic Spanish and Mexican cuisine (it's also known on one end for the ridiculous packs of hipsters who like to hang out there, but anyway), though authentic fare is sprinkled about all across the city, really. Anyway, this isn't really relevant to Chipotle, seeing as how Chipotle isn't exactly authentic street food and a nation-wide chain on top of that. I just thought it was cool that we got props, because I love me some Chipotle.

The bowl/bol:










Yum.

So, I bring my camera with me almost everywhere. If I don't have it, it's half of it I don't have. As in, I've left the memory chip in my laptop because I was transferring pictures onto it and so I basically still have the camera, just with no memory chip . . . which totally defeats the purpose and happens more often than I'd like. But, anyway, when it is there, I try to make good use of it.

This will hopefully be the first of many photo posts I make.

1. That's my aunt. Or rather, her elbows. There's trays, a bowl of ground pork and leek filling, and wonton wrappers - all set up for making wontons, obviously. See the grass in the background, though? We're actually on the campgrounds! This was taken last summer over Memorial Day weekend when I went camping with my cousins.
2. Normally in the city when you see a pair of shoes hanging on an electrical line, it's a pair of old tattered Chucks, worn down running/tennis shoes or combat boots - something with shoelaces, basically. So I thought this was cool to come across - a pair of high heels. (I never understood the glory of getting a pair of shoes over a line, but that might be because I've never tried it - something to put on a to-do list, maybe?)
3. I lost a ton of weight unknowingly because I was home for summer and enjoy walking around San Francisco much more than going by car anywhere like I did while in college. But also, maybe my weird addiction to eating salads, and this kind in particular (mixed spring greens, dried cranberries, gorgonzola, cherry tomatoes and honey glazed walnuts with raspberry vinaigrette) had something to do with it. Aforementioned daily salad eating, by the way, is no longer in effect. :(